I've been quiet. I've been distant. I've been doubtful.
When you see someone who has cheered you on so much essentially steal your soul work, do the same exact thing and seemingly do it better. When you receive a nasty message from someone who promotes love and light because of a USPS mess-up that you are trying your best to rectify. It digs. It dives deeper into the place in myself who thinks she is not good enough, that everything she does clearly doesn't matter and that most people don't really care anyway. So she withdraws. She stops creating what her Self sings to do. She let's the waves crash over her head.
But now she's done with that.
Self care looks different to a lot of people. To some it's a bubble bath, maybe a massage or a vacation. To me, self care looks like trying things that I have wanted to do but haven't. Especially when I'm afraid of doing these things by myself. A solo lunch and movie date, exploring a State Park and hiking with just me and a camera, purging material possessions that don't jive with me anymore.
Dragging myself (and trust me, it is similar to trying to dig yourself out of a giant pit in the ground) out of the almost catatonic state I found myself in involved not rushing. If I rushed myself I would just slip and fall back.
During morning meditations (which I recommend before you do anything in the morning) I received this message:
"Do not rush yourself, dear one. Take your time and make a plan. You have been given visions of what you want out of this life and what your purpose is. But your doubt and fear are in your way, the little voice telling you that you can't do this, that you are not good enough. Silence it, dear one. You are an amazing combination of elements and are capable of the visions you hold dear."
Sometimes we need to envision the bigger picture, sometimes we need step back. Listen to your Self.