There are times where no matter how much light and positivity you pour into your day, those dark waves will still try to pull you under. And the people that only see the bright side of you will be worried and not understand why you are like this for no reason. But the people who have seen you like this before? They will just sigh, knowing this means short tempers and isolation. They will give you your space. But this time is a bit different. Where before your anxiety and depression comes out in the form of anger and shutting people off, this time, because of the surgical side effects, tears come at the drop of a dime. You cry for no reason, when something good happens, or you see something sad. Instead of getting mad and stuffing everything away, you cry in front of someone who is screaming at you at work.
And now you feel as though you are suffocating because you know you want to change something, you need to have a change, but you don't know how to initiate it. You are choking on the words needed to ask for support, because in your mind you have no one, at least no one that truly cares about what's going on.
You panic, attacks happening almost everyday. You throw down cards, wearing rose quartz and lepidolite like armor, saging and infusing lemongrass in the air. You try to keep your head above water, making gratitude lists and trying to connect to your Self. You tell your shadows that it's okay to be there, that they are teaching you lessons. And they whisper back "Open yourself to the shadows and you'll illuminate the best path for you to travel."